Scotland Trip Day 2

"Dibs"

Day 2 started with a trip to the local shop to pick up something for breakfast. Myself and F’n’B volunteered for this vital mission and I persuaded Papa Phallus to lend me his bike, as the Blackbird’s noisy exhaust would surely upset the residents.

We shuffled around the shop searching for breakfast. “I can’t be arsed to cook, so we’ll get cereal” said I. “Yeah, Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes, everyone likes them” replied F’n’B.

Now I know what you’re thinking, why the bloody hell are you including this in your right-up Bungle? Well……When we were wandering around said shop, I noticed out of the corner of

my eye that the pretty shop assistant was giving F’n’B the eye. Outside the shop I told F’n’B about this, he told me he hadn’t noticed, so I suggested that if we got back from our ride-out early enough he should pop round the shop and try his best chat-up lines on her.

Cornflakes devoured, dishes washed, and we started to get ready for day 2 while I popped round to Scotch Broth’s hotel to check if he had managed to get breakfast. He was sat in the restaurant part of the Hotel looking content with hands on tummy, having just wolfed a 47 course monster breakfast. Typical. I prefer Cornflakes anyway…Honest..

We headed off on the cool but slightly unnerving single-track road that leads out of Lochgoilhead. The road is pretty fast and flowing at first but soon becomes much more twisty and undulating which leads to caution because you are never sure what’s awaiting you around the next bend, or over the next brow.

It was then onto the A83 to Inveraray, This is a beautifully surfaced, smooth, grippy road that hugs the shore of Loch Fyne. It was heavenly. We crossed over the single lane hump-back bridge which leads into Inveraray and found a place to park on the shoreline of this picture postcard town, replete with whitewashed buildings, single malt shops and stunning scenery.

Jaw’s picked up, we continued on the A83, this time with me leading the way. Confidence in my own abilities increased due to the superb fast roads and almost perfect conditions. It’s a shame the drivers passing me in the opposite direction couldn’t see the big daft grin on my face.

A fuel stop was now the primary goal, and it wasn’t long before we found a station on the outskirts of Lochgilphead. Zippy found himself a new comrade in the service station. Another VFR owner collared him for a chat. He was a friendly, mature chap with an odd liking for Scotch pies and cheesy puffs (don’t ask), and we chatted with him for a good 15 minutes before we bid him farewell and headed off onto the A816 to Oban.

Now this road was the best of the day (perhaps even the best of the trip). It was still blessed with oodles of grip but was far more twisty than the A83. I listened to some good advice from Scotch Broth at the petrol stop, who told me to ride the road in a low gear and use engine braking to help keep cornering smooth and confidence high.

The advice was spot on, even Nippage, on the back, was loving it. It was fantastic but, alas, it was over all too soon. Oban was in view by now and we had to find somewhere to park up and grab some lunch.

“Ooh! No, not for me thanks” said Scotch Broth “I’m still stuffed from breakfast”. Smug git. So the remaining 5 corn-fed guys trudged across to the chippy to grab a bite to eat.

One substantial, Seagull harassed, bag of chips later and we were all full and happy, but what was this, Zippy was getting chatted up again, this time a sweet old local lady was asking if she could have a go of Zippy's bike, she said she had a shopping cart, so was used to VFR speed.

After much ribbing we were ready for the off again. But where to……

One of the “must do’s” for our trip was to ride up to Fort William and through Glencoe pass. “Let’s do that then” We all agreed.

The A828 which runs from Oban up to Fort William along the shore of Loch Linnhe, is a great road but was spoiled by our first major rain shower of the trip, forcing us to take cover in a petrol station. Once the shower had passed we continued our journey although we noticed traffic was now much heavier and littered with caravans and motor homes.

We didn’t see a great deal of Fort William. McDonalds really should think long and hard about putting their restaurants in more idyllic locations, then we could look at the view from their car park with coffee in hand. But no they chose to stick this one on a trading estate, useless gits.

Also in McDonalds car park was a group of “Adventure tourers” all resplendent with matching GS1200’s carrying all the accessories, aluminium luggage, sat nav, internet wives. Now I am not going to rubbish these guys without good reason, maybe they do ride through Russia on a weekly basis. But we all (to a man) gave them a cheery nod and hello only to be completely ignored while they connected their intercoms in their matching BMW suits. Snobby cocks.

It’s a good 20 years since I last went through Glencoe Pass but it’s effect on me was still fresh as a daisy. The place is incredible. I could sit here all day waxing lyrical about it but you really have to see it to appreciate it.

We then planned a stop at Rannoch Moor were the Lone Piper plays his bagpipes in idyllic surroundings for the benefit of coach loads of tourists. Papa Phallus tried to put on his own show for the amassed tourists. Not sure what happened exactly, but as we were following we saw a mass of blue smoke, brake lights and the smell of burning rubber as PP was executing a nifty overtake on a line of caravans and motor homes. No doubt he will pop up with a little post to explain what happened.

The side winds we experienced coming down off Rannoch Moor were nothing short of bloody scary, Poor Nippage was grabbing on with his arse cheeks as well as his hands. Rannoch Moor gave way to Crianlarich on the A82 and then along the bonny bonny banks of Loch Lomond, for 10 miles of frustrating roadworks and snail like tourists.

Tired but very very happy, we arrived back at our digs.

A quick shower, glad rags, then out to the pub. But wait, we had forgotten about F’n’B’s pretty shop assistant, “too late now” said F’n’B “She’ll have gone home by now“. And this was to be the topic of discussion for the night. Until, that is, F’n’B clapped eyes on our waitress. “Forget the shop assistant, I’ve got dibs on her” He said. A few rounds later and we had persuaded F’n’B to have a go at talking to the shop assistant when we went back in the morning for more Cornflakes (Hmmmph). “Yeah” said F’n’B “I’m gonna buy her a present, I’m gonna buy her a Lion Bar”. At which we all fell about laughing. Don’t know why, alcohol I guess…

Bungle