Going Home

The Scotland Trip has been very excellently documented by Mr. Bungle and there is not much that I can add except to say that I did not do much waiting for anybody . It was great fun on and off the bikes. When we reached Dumbarton I had to split from the guys as I was heading to Dumfries to visit my brother. We headed over the Erskine Bridge and I got on the M8 to head for the coast and get onto the A76 to Dumfries. The sky was black and it appeared that I would be able to skirt the storm , or I would if I hadn't took the wrong turn that was taking me right into it! All of a sudden the visibility was down to 20 Meters and the motorway was inches deep in water. The cars were making bigger bowwaves than the ferry had! I looked for the next exit and managed to get turned in the right direction but the delay meant that instead of skirting the edge of the storm I would be in and out of the front all the way to Dumfries. Hey Ho, thats the way it goes sometimes. I dont mind riding in the rain but the wind was really bad at times and that can be scary.
I had meant to get onto the A737 but had turned onto the Westbound side of the M8 and after I had got onto the Eastbound carriageway I had to ride in that freakish wind and rain back to where I wanted to be. On the A737 down to Irvine I could get the speed back up a bit and even enjoyed the road. It is pretty damn good in the dry. Some of the idiot car drivers were driving along in the spray off the vehicles in front with no lights on . Apart from the spray it really was pretty dark. Irvine to Kilmarnock was fairly dry but as it is dual cabbageway there was no shelter from the bloody wind and as Mr.Bungle said when you are leaning over to go in a straight line it kinda puts a dent in your fun!
From Kilmarnock to Dumfries was great as always as it is fairly sheltered and once again I was out of the rain. I really got the hammer down and enjoyed this fantastic road. I got to my brothers house where he showed me his new Arai and his wifes new Flip front helmet with built in sun visor. The Box was really smart but the Arai was just really special. (Green with envy) He then showed me the route he has planned for his two week motorbike holiday in the alps and Lake Maggiorre in Italy. (Positively bloody Green with envy) . After spending some time with him and his wife I headed back to Workington. On getting to the outskirts of Carlisle the wind was not trying to push me sideways, instead it was trying to lift my helmet off and I can say that last 35 mileswas the most uncomfortable ride I've ever had!
It was still the best fun you can have with your clothes on and I would travel anywhere with this bunch! Can't wait to get over to the North East to see what the roads are like over that way.

Scotland Trip Day 4

"Gusty Gusty Windflap"

And so, after three superb days of riding some of the best roads our little island possesses. It was time to head home. Five weary but happy travellers facing all that the weather Gods could throw at them.

It had been pretty much persisting down all night and the morning seemed no better as we headed up the singletrack road out of the village. The little babbling brook that followed the line of the road was by now a raging torrent of copper coloured, foam topped water that was being fed by water streaming down the sides of the mountains. It was awe inspiring to witness. It was like Mother Nature had decided to put on a display of power and majesty to make sure we would never forget our little foray into this truly beautiful part of the world.

None of us had breakfast that morning so we agreed we would call in to a suitable café in Arrochar for a bacon butty and a warming mug of coffee. We found a suitable place just on the outskirts of Arrochar, it was a converted church. The bacon butties were excellent, and gave us a bit of respite from the driving rain.

We got ourselves suited and booted once again, but this time in glorious sunshine. Zippy approached his bike ready for the off, turned the ignition on and the bikes alarm/immobiliser kicks in. Zippy tried to disarm the alarm, but nothing would turn the bloody thing off. The poor lad. What with all the MOT trouble he‘d suffered, he didn’t need this. He made a quick call to enquire about using the breakdown cover on his insurance, it was good to use but would take an hour two to reach us.

We decided to have a look and see if we could sort the problem ourselves. Myself and Scotch Broth both come from a mechanical background, so we had a little usable knowledge on tap.

We stripped off the nose cone and screen to get at the alarm which was mounted just underneath the clocks. Scotch Broth pulled out the alarm multiplug, bridged a couple of terminals, and hey presto, the bike started. Zippy was a happy chappy. And Mr. Broth, you’re a genius…

Back on the bikes we headed of along the A82 past Loch Lomond and onto a fuel stop at Dumbarton. After fuelling up Scotch Broth told us that he would be heading back down the A76 to Dumfries to visit family, where as we were going to blast along the M8 and down the M74 and get home in time for Sunday dinner. So we said our farewell’s and parted company just after the Erskine Bridge crossing.

The wind was really starting to pick up by now and felt almost gale force in strength. It was going to be no fun at all traversing the moors on the M74.

In actual fact the wind on the M74 was bad, but nowhere near as bad as it got around Carlisle and the open sections of the M6. For quite long stretches we found ourselves in the inside lane doing 55-60 mph just to avoid being blown across two lanes. After 30 minutes of buttock clenching we reached the relative sanctuary of the A66, the wind was now at our backs so we could relax a little and make up for lost time.

Before long we were home, the bikes were filthy, we were knackered but very happy.

It was a fantastically successful trip. On a personal note, I have learned loads over the four days and I can’t thank Scotch Broth enough for joining us and putting up with our limited abilities and basically being an all round good egg. You’re a top man Mr. Broth.

And so another year, another OMP road trip. So where to next year guys??????????

Bungle

Scotland Trip Day 3

"I Neeeeeeed Alcohol"

Day 3 started with another visit to the shop in the middle of the holiday complex. Myself, F’n’B (naturally) and Zippy elected to walk rather than ride this time, for 2 reasons, to get a bit of fresh air and also to give Scotch Broth time to finish his colossal breakfast banquet.

Inside the shop we, once again, noticed the shop assistant giving F’n’B the eye. I nudged him and tried to get him to go across for a chat but I think the poor lad was a little shy and resisted all attempts.

we picked up our Crunchy nut Cornflakes (tut!) and milk and headed to the counter. Zippy was stood perusing the chocolate bars and shouted across “Anybody want owt?”. To which F’n’B replied “Yeah, I’ll have a Lion Bar”. Once again we all fell about laughing, in front of a very confused shop assistant.

Today’s ride was going to be a short blast to Stirling. Basically to try and find a bike dealer. F’n’B’s visor had turned opaque the previous day and now Papa Phallus’ had gone the same way. We still have no idea what caused the problem, it looked like both visors had been cleaned with a petrol soaked rag, but of course this wasn’t the case. It would have to be a case of, grin and bear it until we found replacements in a suitable bike dealers.

We had no idea if Stirling had any bike dealers, but being a fairly major city, it was reasonable to assume that at least one dealer would be found. Checking beforehand on Google was out of the question because mobile phone signals were none existent in Lochgoilhead.

The clouds overhead looked a touch angry as we set off along the Lochgoilhead to Rest and be Thankful singletrack road. This could be the day we all get a good soaking.

Next it was along the A83 to Arrochar and then Tarbet and onto the A82 which hugs the coast of Loch Lomond. This is a very twisty stretch of road and would be superb but for hundreds of tourist cars and caravans and quite a few sections of road works. Not that I’m complaining about the tourists mind, that is what we were after all and who am I to deny people access to this beautiful area.

We passed through Inverarnan and continued on to Crianlarich in search of a fuel stop, none found, we continued a little further north to Tyndrum where we found fuel and a great little café with dedicated motorcycle parking. Their were about 2 dozen bikes parked up, all manner of types on show from Fireblades through Fazers to a group of three 500cc Scooters (Ahem, Mr. Broth).

The coffee’s we ordered and the smattering of bikes on display gave us a much needed distraction from the heavy rain shower now passing through the area, we timed that one perfectly.

So, back on to our main objective. Re-tracing our steps soon found us back at Crianlarich and from here we picked up the A85 to Callander and Stirling. The journey to Callander (now on the A84) was pretty uneventful with both F’n’B and Papa Phallus taking it steady due to poor visibility, one or two heavy downpours didn’t help matters, but we soon found ourselves in heavier traffic on the outskirts of Stirling.

One small point to note, we once again bumped into the three 500cc scoots (ahem!). Made good headway they did….

In Stirling we parked up at McDonalds for a healthy, nutritious lunch. Well, apart from Scotch Broth of course who was still full from breakfast. We now had a full mobile signal and could search around for a dealer. One found, we set off in search. It had closed down a while back, we were informed. The nearest one was now in Falkirk, Oh hum!

A short blast and we were parked outside of Jim Allan Motorcycles. A quick chat with the very helpful staff, two visors fitted and we were on our way back, re-tracing our steps back to Lochgoilhead.

The journey back was superb, the roads had dried out completely and were now virtually empty so good progress was made.

The A85 back to Crianlarich was fantastic, not particularly challenging but stretches of the road were nice and wide with good long straights. Perfect for getting a bit of wind in you’re sails. Papa Phallus and Scotch Broth were like men possessed and soon disappeared out of sight, only to wait a few miles up the road for the rest of us lagging behind.

Before we knew it we were back at our digs and getting ready for a night on the er….village.

It was Papa Phallus’ birthday so we were determined to get a bit drunk and celebrate in style. Rumours of us throwing him in the Loch were totally unfounded although the thought did cross our minds.

We sampled a bit of local fair in the shape of Haggis lasagne, doesn’t sound right but is actually superb. A good few beers, a few single malts and rums and everyone was starting to relax and basically look totally knackered but a good time was had by all. It was time to call it a night, so we gathered outside the pub where Scotch Broth was doing his utmost to add to his fine array of midge bites (he is an avid collector) when we were approached by the local wrecking crew (actually 2 girls and a guy) they said they had been to a party at the local village hall but were now on the lookout for alcohol. “I neeeeeeeed Alcochol” shouted one of the girls. Poor Nippage looked a little nervous in the face of this outburst as he was the only one carrying any booze, namely a half drunk bottle of Bud. But in all honesty they seemed nice kids and soon went on their way to find a suitable supplier.

Which left us to retreat to our apartment for a lovely game of Buckaroo and Operation, and you will be pleased to find out we managed to complete both games quite easily with a fine array of extra furnishings, stories about which we will leave for another day

Bungle

Riding in the Rain?

Don't you just love the British weather? It never fails to amaze me with its ability to give us Four Seasons In One Day! It can make the choice of riding wear quite difficult and there is nothing worse than setting out for a days riding with your leathers on only to discover that "you really should have worn the Waterproofs". The other way round can be slightly disappointing too!
Last Sunday was a case in point. I planned to set off reasonably early for a ride out to Devil's Bridge (Kirby Lonsdale) and perhaps beyond depending on time and weather. On the morning of the ride my friend,Martin, phoned me and asked "Leathers or Cordura?" On looking out the window at the glowering sky and windswept trees I decided that discretion was definitely the better part of valour and that, as I prefer to be warm and dry, "Cordura for me" was the correct answer. Dressed in my "poof's jacket" (as waterproofs are referred to by Martin) I got down to Martin's , got the bike out and lubed the chain.Scotoiler is definitely on my wish list! By the time this was acheived I was sweating like a pig and Martin was not much better. Looking up at the sky made me chuckle to myself and think about being nice and dry when the rain started, as it surely would. We set off down to Devil's Bridge and had a great ride as far as Broughton-in-Furness where we stopped for a coffee and a ciggie. As we sat there enjoying both, an acquaintance of mine turned up with some of his mates all in racing leathers . "They're bloody keen" I thought. After a short chat we set off again and I kept saying to myself that I was really glad I was going to be dry when it started pissing down.
Arriving at the Bridge I was Mildly surprised at the turnout especially as the weather looked so dodgy. We spent a while looking at the bikes and smoking and then decided we would go up to Windermere and over Kirkstone Pass to Penrith. Martin thought of this route and I agreed thinking, as I sweated , that at least we would be warm and dry when the rain came. I credit you readers with the ability to see a pattern forming here! From Penrith, back over the pass to Windermere and along to Ambleside where we turned off and followed the road to Coniston and then back to the A595 and Then home. All day, 220 odd Miles and a large grin on my face. If only I hadn't been sweating my bollocks off wearing waterproof clothing when we never even saw a drop of rain!
Tomorrow we have planned a trip out around Kielder Water and south Scotland.I am going to wear my leathers so you can garantee what the weather will be like.

Scotland Trip Day 2

"Dibs"

Day 2 started with a trip to the local shop to pick up something for breakfast. Myself and F’n’B volunteered for this vital mission and I persuaded Papa Phallus to lend me his bike, as the Blackbird’s noisy exhaust would surely upset the residents.

We shuffled around the shop searching for breakfast. “I can’t be arsed to cook, so we’ll get cereal” said I. “Yeah, Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes, everyone likes them” replied F’n’B.

Now I know what you’re thinking, why the bloody hell are you including this in your right-up Bungle? Well……When we were wandering around said shop, I noticed out of the corner of

my eye that the pretty shop assistant was giving F’n’B the eye. Outside the shop I told F’n’B about this, he told me he hadn’t noticed, so I suggested that if we got back from our ride-out early enough he should pop round the shop and try his best chat-up lines on her.

Cornflakes devoured, dishes washed, and we started to get ready for day 2 while I popped round to Scotch Broth’s hotel to check if he had managed to get breakfast. He was sat in the restaurant part of the Hotel looking content with hands on tummy, having just wolfed a 47 course monster breakfast. Typical. I prefer Cornflakes anyway…Honest..

We headed off on the cool but slightly unnerving single-track road that leads out of Lochgoilhead. The road is pretty fast and flowing at first but soon becomes much more twisty and undulating which leads to caution because you are never sure what’s awaiting you around the next bend, or over the next brow.

It was then onto the A83 to Inveraray, This is a beautifully surfaced, smooth, grippy road that hugs the shore of Loch Fyne. It was heavenly. We crossed over the single lane hump-back bridge which leads into Inveraray and found a place to park on the shoreline of this picture postcard town, replete with whitewashed buildings, single malt shops and stunning scenery.

Jaw’s picked up, we continued on the A83, this time with me leading the way. Confidence in my own abilities increased due to the superb fast roads and almost perfect conditions. It’s a shame the drivers passing me in the opposite direction couldn’t see the big daft grin on my face.

A fuel stop was now the primary goal, and it wasn’t long before we found a station on the outskirts of Lochgilphead. Zippy found himself a new comrade in the service station. Another VFR owner collared him for a chat. He was a friendly, mature chap with an odd liking for Scotch pies and cheesy puffs (don’t ask), and we chatted with him for a good 15 minutes before we bid him farewell and headed off onto the A816 to Oban.

Now this road was the best of the day (perhaps even the best of the trip). It was still blessed with oodles of grip but was far more twisty than the A83. I listened to some good advice from Scotch Broth at the petrol stop, who told me to ride the road in a low gear and use engine braking to help keep cornering smooth and confidence high.

The advice was spot on, even Nippage, on the back, was loving it. It was fantastic but, alas, it was over all too soon. Oban was in view by now and we had to find somewhere to park up and grab some lunch.

“Ooh! No, not for me thanks” said Scotch Broth “I’m still stuffed from breakfast”. Smug git. So the remaining 5 corn-fed guys trudged across to the chippy to grab a bite to eat.

One substantial, Seagull harassed, bag of chips later and we were all full and happy, but what was this, Zippy was getting chatted up again, this time a sweet old local lady was asking if she could have a go of Zippy's bike, she said she had a shopping cart, so was used to VFR speed.

After much ribbing we were ready for the off again. But where to……

One of the “must do’s” for our trip was to ride up to Fort William and through Glencoe pass. “Let’s do that then” We all agreed.

The A828 which runs from Oban up to Fort William along the shore of Loch Linnhe, is a great road but was spoiled by our first major rain shower of the trip, forcing us to take cover in a petrol station. Once the shower had passed we continued our journey although we noticed traffic was now much heavier and littered with caravans and motor homes.

We didn’t see a great deal of Fort William. McDonalds really should think long and hard about putting their restaurants in more idyllic locations, then we could look at the view from their car park with coffee in hand. But no they chose to stick this one on a trading estate, useless gits.

Also in McDonalds car park was a group of “Adventure tourers” all resplendent with matching GS1200’s carrying all the accessories, aluminium luggage, sat nav, internet wives. Now I am not going to rubbish these guys without good reason, maybe they do ride through Russia on a weekly basis. But we all (to a man) gave them a cheery nod and hello only to be completely ignored while they connected their intercoms in their matching BMW suits. Snobby cocks.

It’s a good 20 years since I last went through Glencoe Pass but it’s effect on me was still fresh as a daisy. The place is incredible. I could sit here all day waxing lyrical about it but you really have to see it to appreciate it.

We then planned a stop at Rannoch Moor were the Lone Piper plays his bagpipes in idyllic surroundings for the benefit of coach loads of tourists. Papa Phallus tried to put on his own show for the amassed tourists. Not sure what happened exactly, but as we were following we saw a mass of blue smoke, brake lights and the smell of burning rubber as PP was executing a nifty overtake on a line of caravans and motor homes. No doubt he will pop up with a little post to explain what happened.

The side winds we experienced coming down off Rannoch Moor were nothing short of bloody scary, Poor Nippage was grabbing on with his arse cheeks as well as his hands. Rannoch Moor gave way to Crianlarich on the A82 and then along the bonny bonny banks of Loch Lomond, for 10 miles of frustrating roadworks and snail like tourists.

Tired but very very happy, we arrived back at our digs.

A quick shower, glad rags, then out to the pub. But wait, we had forgotten about F’n’B’s pretty shop assistant, “too late now” said F’n’B “She’ll have gone home by now“. And this was to be the topic of discussion for the night. Until, that is, F’n’B clapped eyes on our waitress. “Forget the shop assistant, I’ve got dibs on her” He said. A few rounds later and we had persuaded F’n’B to have a go at talking to the shop assistant when we went back in the morning for more Cornflakes (Hmmmph). “Yeah” said F’n’B “I’m gonna buy her a present, I’m gonna buy her a Lion Bar”. At which we all fell about laughing. Don’t know why, alcohol I guess…

Bungle

Scotland Trip Day 1

Marc! Your Bedroom's On Fire!!!!!!

And so to the annual OMP tour.

This time Scotland was our chosen destination.

Initially we had the idea of sticking to central and eastern Scotland, based around Inverness. But things soon changed after Zippy and myself were decamped to Campbelltown in Argyll for a work project. The roads and scenery around the area were nothing short of stunning. This was it, this was to be our new base.

After a brief search on the internet, and a very scary late night conversation with a psycho hotel owner, we opted for an apartment in Lochgoilhead (booked through the lovely people at Argyll Holidays).

Now for the personnel. A few of the regulars couldn't make it this year but we still had a healthy list of willing participants. Myself, Zippy, Papa Phallus and Fruit'n'Barley should be familiar to

regular readers, but we also had a couple of newbies. First off, my son, "Nippage" (snigger) was to be pillion on my bike for his first OMP trip. and also Scotch Broth, who's intro can be found just prior to this post.

Scotch Broth and I had been chatting on the "Bikegreatescape" website for a few months leading up to our trip, and he had expressed an interested in joining us for the duration of our little escapade. We were more than happy to have Scotch Broth on board, especially as he knows the roads in the area really well, I was just a little nervous that we would all make arses of ourselves with our limited skills and spectacularly unpredictable bikes.

Which leads us nicely to our departure day. Papa Phallus wheeled his trusty steed out of the garage only to be greeted by the dreaded flat tyre, a quick look around the tyre soon found the offending nail. Nothing else for it, a new tyre it was to be.

Zippy was also getting a new hoop fitted that morning so he now had 2 wheels

in the back of his car and a bulging back pocket (£240) to pay for the tyres and get our tour back on track.

Finally under way, we decided to stick to decent A-roads and avoid (as much as possible) motorways and dual carriageways. A68 first, up to Hexham then the A69 to Carlisle to meet up up with Scotch Broth.

It was on the A69 that we had our first little drama. Zippy and F'n'B disappeared from our mirrors so we pulled in to wait for them, F'n'B's number plate holder had come loose and was flapping about in the wind, a few zip ties soon had it sorted and Zippy was so relieved he decided to have a brief lie down with his bike. His voluminous soft panniers saved his blushes and we were soon on our way again.

We met up with Scotch Broth in the services at the top of the M6. A few handshakes and introductions later and we were on our way again. Scotch Broth's idea was to head for Dumfries then across to Ayr on the A76 before heading up the coast to Gourock where we would catch a ferry to Dunoon. Sounded great to us and the roads around Dumfries and Ayr were superb, despite being a little wet. Before we knew it, we were parked up at the ferry terminal for our short but enjoyable ferry crossing to Dunoon. One of the Dunoon residents on the ferry warned us about unmarked Police bikes patrolling Argyll which was very considerate of him.

Dunoon to Lochgoilhead was despatched in a flash on lovely flowing, very grippy, roads which really gave us a feel of what we could expect for the rest of our trip.

One thing we had all noticed on the journey up was the willingness of Scottish drivers to move across to the inside and give us more room, although this isn't is really necessary, I suppose at least it shows that they are using their mirrors and had seen us approaching, very commendable.

We picked up our Apartment key from the super posh Drimsynie House Estate and checked out our accommodation. It was first come first served as far as sleeping arrangements

were concerned, but I had the key and therefore the advantage. I was first through the door and noticed the sign to remove shoes before entering, "right, I will block the door to the bedrooms while taking my boots off" was my thinking but Papa Phallus had other ideas. As I was bent down un-buckling my boots, PP flicked his boots off then dived over my back and sprinted straight into the room with the huge Queen size bed. Bollocks. Never mind, my little single bed looked nice and comfy. It just goes to show that "Old and Wise" was, on this occasion no substitute for "Young and Fit".

We met up a little later with Scotch Broth, who had booked himself into the Hotel just along the road, for a few drinks and a bite to eat (or some nice warming soup in Scotch Broth's case) and to recap the days events.

Day 2 was gonna be a cracker......

"beautiful Lochgoihead"

Bungle

INTRODUCTIONS 11

SCOTCH BROTH

Bike - Honda CBR 1100 XX Super Blackbird (99)

Mods - Delkevic cans, Baglux, Soup Flask, Hugger, Croutons

Previous Bike - Honda CBR 1000F

Age - 43

Years Riding - 8

Fascinating Facts - Hippopotamus Soup is known to have been eaten as early as 6000bc.. In the film "The Exorcist" Regan MacNeil vomits Pea Soup while possesed...