Scotland tour update

Hey Guys,

I'm thinking of changing the "centre" for our Scotland trip. Instead of Inverness which is a 300 mile trip, I'm now thinking of Loch Lomond as a base. It's considerably nearer, at about 180 miles, therefore cheaper with more options for suitable accommodation.

Me and Zippy have checked out the roads in the area and, to be honest, they are nothing short of stunning. It's a very popular area for bikers but I didn't see a single speed camera in the area.

Let me know what you think, I have already been in touch with a hotel who can accommodate all of us and our bikes.

Happy Days

Bungle

Scotland Tour July '10

This July the Ouch! My Piles crew will be off on a little tour of Scotland. Starting on Thursday 1st, we will travel up to Inverness to our Hotel (which we have provisionally booked for the 1st, 2nd and 3rd) and then spend the following 3 days exploring the fantastic roads of northern Scotland.

On the itinerary will be a run up to John O'Groats and some of the minor roads in that area, also a run down to Fort William and the Glencoe Pass is a must-do.

If anyone has any other ideas then please drop a line on here.

So far there are 7 of us confirmed on the trip, but anyone is welcome to come along or even to meet up with us on route, just drop a message on here and we will get it sorted.

Ta

Bungle

VFR 1200 Launch night

After being spectacularly let down by RiDE magazine, who e-mailed me about a test ride on the new VFR then never followed it up, it was left to White Bros. Honda in Darlington to pick up the pieces and invite me and Zippy to the launch night of Honda's new VFR/Blackbird replacement.

Plenty of food and drink was laid on for the guests, which me and Zipster fairly laid into (the prawn thingy's were great) while we mooched around looking at the rest of the stock awaiting our turn to sit on the star attraction.

When we got our hands (or should that be arses) on the bike I have to admit to being quite impressed, it was very light or more likely very well balanced which made it feel light. The lines of the bike are very clean with no fairing fasteners on display and lovely deep paint.

This is where things started to take a turn for the worse. The salesman showing us around the bike asked if we wanted to hear it running, to which we said yes. Oh Dear! As nice and shiny as the bike is it sounds a bit cack, a bit limp wristed, a bit like a Citroen 2CV. In fact a lot like a 2CV. We wandered off at this point, looking up at the ceiling and whistling quietly in a "it wasn't me guv,

honest" kinda way. So, we found our way to the Cruiser section, Honda's new Fury chopper was launched on the same night, and very nice it was too, although I think I preferred the matt black bobber bike they had on display.

Zippy loved the Cruisers by the way, but more alarmingly, he couldn't take the grin off his face when he sat on the Pan European. If he gets one of those we will have to try and sneak out for a ride while he isn't looking, oh! the embarrassment.

Bungle

From Joy to Pain and Back Again! Part2

Just as poor Fruit'n'Barley was starting to think his biking adventure was getting off to a dream start, it very soon turned into a nightmare.

A slow speed spill which occurred a few hundred yards from his house, which was caused by a momentary lapse in concentration, sent the bike into the kerb which then flipped the bike over before sliding across the road to slam into the other kerb. The damage from a slow speed crash like this was horrendous, the fairings were smashed, levers bent, but most upsetting was the engine. The alternator housing took the brunt of the kerb hit which in turn cracked the housing which in turn cracked the engine block.

There was nothing else for it, a new engine required plus replacement fairings but most importantly, rebuild F'n'B's shattered confidence, he was beside himself with rage and frustration but he would have to put this one down to experience.

Coming soon

Part 3, the rebuild starts.

Bungle

Genius!!!!

Mr Cadbury met Ms Rowntree on a Double Decker, it was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street, infront of the Fishermans Friend pub.

He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said in a quiet
Wispa.

"I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he said!

Then he touched her Creme Eggs.

They checked into a hotel, he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt
her Milky Way.

He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

It was a fab moment as she let out a scream of sheer Turkish Delight!

Sadly 3 days later his Sherbert Fountain started to drip.

It turns out Ms Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had
Allsorts!

Poetry Corner!!!!

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.

Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.

Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.

I pray this man will love no other..
And relish visits with my mother.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-muted gymnast, nymphomaniac
with big tits who owns a bar on a golf course,

and loves to send me biking, fishing, and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

True Story!!!!!

Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road.

One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 MPH! Their radar then suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.

Just then, a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had, in fact, latched on to an RAF's 'Tornado' jet fighter, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea.

Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint about the wrecked radar equipment to the "RAF Liaison" office.

Back came the reply in true laconic "RAF" style:

"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your radar equipment, and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognised the situation, and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched.

Have a good day."

Bungle